I realize I’m a bit late on updating about my meeting with Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman). And I certainly apologize. Because I know you were losing sleep over it. You can rub your tired eyes.
I met the Pioneer Woman.
She was nice.
She was pretty.
She was funny.
She signed my cookbook.
It was nice.
That was my 3rd grade rendition of it. My adult rendition of it goes a little something like this:
Borders required a bracelet to attend the signing- which I didn’t know about until late in the game. As soon as I found out, I started panicking, then sent wild, frantic e-mails to my friend Jess (whose entire future happiness depended on my meeting the Pioneer Woman…which I’ll expand upon later). I’m not really sure how it happened, but I managed to leave work in about 5 seconds flat, get from Chelsea to Columbus Circle, get a bracelet, and return to work in about 30 minutes time, which, frankly, is unheard of in this city. I consider myself a superhero for this feat.
I got to Borders about an hour and 15 minutes before the signing because, let’s face it, my entire future happiness depended on meeting the Pioneer Woman as well.
The Border’s people were very strict. They required me to sit in a certain place and then they proceeded to ask me the correct spelling of my name and write it on a post-it with a sharpie. I was told that I must put the post-it on the title page and when I put it on the page with a picture, an impatient hand from above shot down into my book and immediately placed it on the opposite page to the tune of a loud, scolding sigh. At that point I became scared and sat quietly in my seat.
An hour and a half later, after lamenting that I didn’t have any friends (there were so many groups of girlfriends there laughing and having fun!) and re-playing the traumatic post-it ordeal , Ree Drummond came out and answered lots of questions. She was incredibly sweet, well-spoken, and very funny. It was a lovely experience. I wish I could tell you what people asked, but I was in awe and only remembered something about her wanting sushi, her hoping she didn’t mess her kids up by homeschooling, and her husband being very supportive of her blog.
At that point, the Border’s people began running around with their headsets and they made us sit quietly then get up row by row to meet Ree. I think one woman was hit with a night stick when her un-braceleted friend tried to get in line to take her picture (I’m telling you, these Borders people were scary!). I was surprisingly nervous because I wanted Ree to like me. Which is silly. But that’s how I felt. And my mother tells me to embrace my feelings.
Soon, it was my turn. I’m not really sure what happened at that point. She signed my book and I think I said I was excited to meet her and that I enjoyed her blog. More likely it came out something like this: I. Melissa. You. Pioneer Woman. Hi. Which is really quite stupid because the post-it had my name.
Then I proceeded to babble incessantly. Because my friend Jess and I had prepared a portfolio of sorts. A portfolio to set up Jess with Cowboy Josh who works on the Pioneer Woman’s ranch and is apparently willing to be set up through the Pioneer Woman’s blog. I truly believe that Jess would get along swimmingly well with this man that I have never met, based solely on the fact that Jess likes tall, skinny men, who are rugged and have intense gazes. It was a ‘Top Ten List of Reasons My Friend Jess Should Meet Cowboy Josh.’ I presented the portfolio to Ree Drummond and she said she would pass it along to Cowboy Josh. I think I told her to read it ‘in her travels’. If someone could tell me what that means, I would appreciate it. I also said something about waking up at 4am and that was crazy. Which I realize is insulting to a woman who wakes up at 4am every day to work on a ranch. I had a serious case of verbal diarrhea.
Then, I forgot to get a picture, despite the fact that Tyler was standing there with a camera the entire time waiting for that very moment. When my face fell, a very nice woman noticed. She was holding a camera. She was a very soft-spoken, smart-looking young woman. I soon found out she was Ree’s editor (after another embarrassing chapter of ‘The Babbling Chronicles’ starring Melissa).
I managed to get a picture because her editor was nice enough to interrupt things. I vaguely recall the Pioneer Woman saying she was ‘glad I came back’ which I appreciated very much since I felt bad to interrupt the flow of the signing.
Overall, it was great! I presented the portfolio for Jess. I got my cookbook signed. And I met my favorite blogger! I also learned that she is publishing, Black Heels to Tractor Wheels (a series from her blog) which is exciting! Maybe our novels will get published at the same time and we can go on a book trip together (excuse me while I go laugh at myself for even uttering that.)
The Pioneer Woman: So what is this? A resume?
Melissa: More like a top ten…[incessant babbling]…Read it in your travels…[incessant babbling]…
The Pioneer Woman: Where does your friend live?
Melissa: Boston…[incessant babbling]…she wanted to meet you tomorrow in person but she was driving here…and…and…she would have to wake up at 4am which is crazy…[incessant babbling]…
The Pioneer Woman (beautiful, sweet, polite, well-spoken Pioneer Woman): Well, I will certainly pass this along to Cowboy Josh.