My work in progress is progressing slowly. I feel I have to measure each word, even if it is first draft. There is a natural crawl through each paragraph as I feel my way through one moment and then the next. And I realize that the action is deliberate, even though I haven’t plotted or outlined a thing. I have found myself stopping to think more than I normally would in a draft and I have willed myself to do things I have not wanted to do. I don’t mean sitting in front of the blank screen (though I haven’t wanted to do that.) I don’t mean turning off the television and twitter and gmail, closing the door, and sinking into the old wooden chair at my little desk (though I haven’t wanted to do that either.)
I mean that I am forcing myself to do things to my characters that I have not wanted to do. Just moments ago, I waded slowly through a murky scene. And I realized that I was going to have to do something really terrible. Really awful. I’ve been avoiding it for a long time. I have to send a character off to die. I’ve reached the point where I have no other choice.
I’ve never done this to a character I truly care about. This is brand new. How about you?