I’ll head off to Long Island tomorrow to spend Christmas Eve with my parents, then fly to Jacksonville early Christmas morning to spend a few days with Tyler’s family.
I had set today as a deadline for myself, to finish a writing project, to complete my novel, drop the old clothes off at Salvation Army, donate the mountain of books that had created a fort around my writing desk, clean the apartment, and many more items on a To-Do list that seemed to grow longer and longer.
I did most of those things.
I even managed to take a walk to eat the most amazing donuts I’ve ever eaten and walk the Promenade in Brooklyn Heights to get a glimpse of my city’s skyline (it never fails to amaze me, even after all these years.)
Then I sat down, just moments ago, to unanswered e-mails, to a google reader with 400 items unread. It may sound silly to some of you but it bothers me to have too many e-mails ignored, to have a list of articles and blog posts yet to read.
But I looked at the screen and I did something nearly unprecedented. I just clicked ‘Mark All As Read’. Even if the google reader had not been read. I filed the e-mails away to have a clear inbox. I apologized to the novel, told it that I needed more time, uninterrupted time, not this stop and start pattern I’ve been running in circles around.
It made me feel better. To mark the google reader, file the emails, be at peace with leaving the novel unfinished. I will not let it hang over me.
Lately, I think I’ve been holding on too tightly, clinging to something I can not define. I am ready to let go of my grasp. To live this Christmas, breathe in this winter, see another year through. There is no better time, I think, to close my eyes and let go.
Happy Holidays to all of you.