December Quiet

Looks like I took an unintentional semi-break from the blog this month but I hope you all had a beautiful holiday season filled with all the things and people you love.

I spent the holidays with family on Long Island and the rest in Brooklyn. There’s been a lot of nesting going on as I prepare for these final weeks of pregnancy and I have felt an internal quiet, as I wrapped gifts, wrote and read, as furniture was delivered and I folded tiny clothes, then nestled them amongst the new-wood smell of drawers, as I hung the pictures and the bright orange curtains which make even artificial light glow like sun during this December rain. The walls are, perhaps, the most alarming blue I could find because sky and sun are my favorites.

These days, unable to sleep, my mind is not so quiet at night, and I wonder too much about the year that was and the year that will be, trying to wrap my thoughts around who I might have been and if it’s all been too little or too much or never enough and if I should have done more before life changes in such a radical way. I wonder, a lot, about time when the baby is born. How I will manage it. Where it will go. If any of it will be mine.

And, then, in my exhaustion, I go back to quiet, to Tyler beside me, to baby inside me, thinking all has been as it should be and, realize, well, isn’t it the strangest thing to house a human and have it make me this crazy : )

So, that’s been the head space over these weeks, hence the relative quiet here in this blog space but I’ve been thinking of this blog (does that count?) and I’ve been reading your blogs when I can and wondering, what’s up with all of you?

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5 thoughts on “December Quiet

  1. Happy New Year, Melissa! 2014 will be a wonderful year for you!

    The first weeks are hard, but you will find a way and a routine and survive. Believe me, I can vividly remember the nights where I got very little sleep, where my husband swapped with me so we could each hope for maybe 2 hours uninterrupted slumber, the nights with sick infants where I slept on the nursery floor … And now those babies are 13 and 16 years old.

    Bob and I developed a mantra to survive — and we still use it. Whatever we were going through we said: “It's a stage. It will end and pass into another stage.” This has turned out to be true for 16.5 years …

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  2. Reading about your nesting brought me back to that time in my life—16 years ago, eek! I have such fond memories of folding all the tiny newborn clothes that smelled fresh of Snuggle fabric softener… waiting and wondering what the girl who filled them would look like, and how she would change our lives.

    And I sure hope it counts to be thinking of one's blog, lol, because I do that all the time. Do you suppose the handful of friends who read mine have been able to follow the past two months of posts I've written (only) in my head? 😉

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